dont swerve homie, go serve

With all the madness going on in the world I thought I would get back on track and come back to sanity to realize that, “Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Muhammad Ali

With the lunatics storming the capitol building yesterday, I felt a lot of emotion seeing the events take place. As I scrolled through Twitter I was frustrated with myself in so many ways as I was trying to find a way to defend some of these idiots and defend some of the behaviors from the right-wing. I simply could not. I suppose I was frustrated with myself because as a moderate who leans more right, I did not want to see that happen from “my” party. (Side note, I hate how we are placed into these boxes due to our political affiliations.) Anyway, that got me thinking just about life and what my true, genuine morals are. I have come up with this conclusion; bottom line I am here on this earth to help others and I don’t give a crap what race, color, or religion they are. I truly believe my calling is to serve and consider helping others does more for myself than for the other individual. So I guess helping others is selfish in a sense for me. I am not perfect at always lending a helping hand but am trying. 

As someone who has grappled with drug addiction for a substantial portion of my life, I have often found myself as a selfish character. Unfortunately, I am the first dude to raise my hand and say, “I am selfish.” 

Regardless of my drug or alcohol consumption, I am a stingy spirit but have consciously realized that it takes a mindful understanding of my selfishness to combat my selfish ways. Certainly, drugs and alcohol expound the inner selfishness that we all possess as humans, but through my “field study”, I have come to realize that it takes genuine service, love, and a positive mindset to combat the selfishness you feel. Don’t be a dick and help others. Most importantly, I personally believe service towards others is the most powerful way to forget your individualized selfishness and be happy.

When I was in active addiction, drugs engulfed my mind and life and I seldom put thought into anything other than drugs. I hated to even have the thought of someone else on my brain. I was a selfish bastard and was stuck in the cycle of selfishness, isolation, and addiction. If I had more time and felt up to it I would go into the effed-up intricacies of my selfish mind but this little synopsis will have to work. On an hourly basis, my mind would think; who can I steal from today to ensure I have money for the ample amounts of illicit drugs I am going to consume with my body? What lies can I tell those I am closest with so that I can guarantee I don’t get caught today? What excuse can I tell my professors to get them off my back? My grandma can only die so many times… (true story) These thoughts were common and is just how my addicted, selfish mind functioned when I was using drugs.

I believe for me, I sometimes like to be sad and prideful. It’s sad to say, but that is where I find myself comfortable due to living in that state for so long. I always like to have excuses and play off of those excuses at all times so I have an easy way out in any situation. Somewhat recently, I was again stuck in my selfishness and did nothing to combat it because I think I liked that I was there. I literally just laid there, letting my mind wander, and thought about how hard my life is. I was stuck in selfishness. Fortunately, I called a buddy who reminded me that when I was in my active addiction I would kill to be in the situation I am in now and face these “luxury problems”. As I take a step back, I am reminded of how truly fortunate I am. I have a BS in Psychology, currently work in treatment, am looking to buy a house, and am starting a business in the next few months. Life is dope, and I am just simply at peace with who I am. I am far from perfect but I am building my toolbox to make it easier when those tough times come.

I firmly believe that the answer to happiness is as simple as forget about yourself, and go help someone else. That’s it. When we lose ourselves in the service of others we truly find who we are and what we stand for. I believe that statement with all of my heart. When you look to help others your mindset changes and you’ll be happy, I promise. Just be a real one dog. As I said before, everyone is selfish, but it is up to us as individuals to not adhere to our inner selfishness; and break free from ourselves. GO HELP others. Forget the bullshit political and media views, go outside and be in the world and make the world a better place to live in. Don’t swerve, go serve.

“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Muhammad Ali

With Love,

Your guy, M. Kurtz

Published by mattkurty

BS Psychology SUDC

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